I’m pleased to be able to interview Kaydana the Sorceress, the central character of my new novella, Kaydana and the Staff of Ishlun, who is speaking to us from another world. Welcome to the internet, Kaydana.
Do we need any incantations to make it safe?
To make what safe?
The int’a’nhett. It’s obviously very strong magic.
No, it’s quite safe as it is. Can I ask you, first of all, how did you get started as a sorceress?
Well, I was apprenticed when I was nine to a sorcerer called Lourim. I had a natural gift, and my parents thought I ought to be taught to use it properly, after... um, a few incidents. It really wasn’t my fault. I mean, if you’re going to tell a nine-year-old with power to clean out the stables, what do you expect her to do? Use a broom? None of the horses were really hurt, and that building needed to be replaced anyway.
So you left home at nine? Did you miss it?
Yes, I suppose, but I was having fun. I learnt a lot – more than Lourim thought, actually. The kids in the village were all scared of me, and I made sure they stayed that way, but they all did what I told them. There was a girl called Dasserei – gorgeous, long black hair and big eyes – who I was really in love with. We were both twelve, so it was only a bit of kissing and snuggling, but I was heartbroken when she was forbidden to see me again.
Why was that?
Well, I used her as the host to summon a spirit. It wasn’t an evil one, not really, and she was all right. All that happened was that she spent the next few days speaking the demon-tongue. They didn’t like it, though. Come to that, I don’t think she did, either.
So how long did you stay with Lourim?
Till I was fifteen. I’d learnt everything I could from him, and I was itching to get out and see the world, but I also wanted his staff.
The Staff of Ishlun?
Um... that one and his other staff. He didn’t know he had the Staff of Ishlun, although he thought it came from the lost city of Arlh. He always kept it close, so I seduced him. Well, it was his own fault. He was old enough to know better, and I was his pupil, so he deserved all he got. It was fun though – both his staffs were quite impressive.
You’ve been a freelance sorceress since then. One of your most famous early exploits was defeating the Red Wizard of Zasipul. How did you manage that?
Well, as long as this doesn’t get back to my world... I did cheat a bit. The Red Wizard was incredibly powerful, and he was terrorising the whole of Zasipul. I knew I couldn’t get through his defences, but... he was a man. So I went to face him naked, and started doing a very erotic dance as soon as he appeared. He couldn’t resist me. I waited till he had his cock out and was rubbing it, then I struck. As soon as he was powerless, I bound him never to harm anyone again, then... well, the dance had made me horny. I can assure you, he was exhausted by the time I’d finished with him.
Speaking of which... You’ve had many lovers, both male and female. Can you tell us which you prefer, and what you look for in a lover?
Um... I suppose I prefer whichever I’m with at the time. I can’t really imagine giving up either sex. As to what I look for, well, I like them to be human, or at least reasonably human-like. Usually.
I like a man to be big and strong – I’m quite strong myself, so I want him to be stronger. I like someone who can screw me till I’m sore and knackered. A woman – I like her to be sweet and feminine, and to have a very versatile tongue.
Really, though, it’s more important with either that I like them, and can have a laugh. Unless I’m drunk, of course, then I can make some very weird choices. But that’s the booze, not me. Honest.
Can you ever see yourself settling down with someone?
Well, if you mean staying in the same place till I’m old and wrinkly, then no. There’s still so much of the world I’ve never seen, and I want to go everywhere. But, if the right person wanted to share that life, I suppose so. They’d have to be someone really special though. At the moment, I’m having too much fun.
What about having children?
Ha, can you really see me rocking a baby to sleep? I don’t know, I really can’t imagine it, but... who knows? Stranger things have happened. Like poor Nadryina.
What happened to her?
She was a nearly-human sorceress who I spent some time with in the Caves of Crystal. I’m not sure where the nonhuman bit came from, but she was absolutely luscious, long red hair, green eyes, boobs like pumpkins, and a forked tongue. I really enjoyed that tongue: clit and pussy at the same time, if you take my meaning.
Well, Nadry fell head-over-heels in love with a demon – huge, strong, cock the length of your forearm – and ended up as the father of his child. Apparently that species of demon do things rather differently. It was a very cute baby, though, with its green scales and its tail, even if it did occasionally incinerate things with its eyes. So she’s had to take on all kinds of extra work just to keep them both.
Have you any final message to the readers, Kaydana?
Oh, yes. Everyone has to buy a copy of Kaydana and the Staff of Ishlun, or I’ll put a curse on you. I have lots of good ones.
Thank you very much, Kaydana.
Fine. I need another drink now.